What To Do With Hurt and Betrayal???

It's funny how there are times in life when you feel so loved and supported by your friends....and then there are times when they are inexplicably absent from your life. I suppose it is just part of the ebb and flow of the normal tide of everyone's lives rising and leveling back out. But, then there are those times when you feel you're being purposely isolated -- what then? It's an ambivalent place to be because on one hand you love and adore them, they're who you call to share things with - good, or bad. But when they hurt you in a shockingly blatant way, you suddenly find yourself floundering in a mix of emotions toward them that seem very foreign.

I had just such an incident happen to me last Sunday night. It shocked me to say the least. Mostly because I can't, in my wildest imaginings, ever picture myself treating my closest friends with such disregard. It is also extremely poor timing. We are entering the time of year when my emotions and self-esteem struggle the most with demons from my past...scars that suddenly ooze with painful memories of horrible events that caused unimaginable betrayal and hurt. It was just such events that created a bent in me to not allow myself to be vulnerable with people. So, here I am once again --fighting the urge to completely give up on people, in general.

I found myself tearfully questioning God on this.

Then, as I sat in Bible Study on Wednesday morning - I think I had a glimpse of a potential breakthrough. The words, "And you shall know that I AM the LORD your God" spoke volumes to me, as I sat there feeling very discouraged and pushed aside. God emerges front and center in our lives when we are completely blindsided by hurt, betrayal and devastation. Because He is incapable of those things. He cannot disown Himself! It is in those times that we can rest peacefully and wholly in the arms of the One who will never let us down - ever!

Later that day it hit me! God is the only one who is incapable of betraying or hurting me.....so why do I foolishly allow myself to think that those closest to me could ever be like that? They are, after all, only human - in the same way that I am. I can never be everything to everyone in my life ~ I can try, but inevitably I will fail at some point. Granted this was a deliberate thing that was done to me, but the same grace that saves my soul when I mess up, needs to be extended regardless of the intent behind the offense.

Today, is a little better. I think I am learning that forgiveness is not always an easy thing -- in fact the harder it is, the more necessary it probably is. I am working toward this...it's awful when you feel like your the victim of a carefully orchestrated plot. But with God's help I will get there. I think I can empathize with David, though, when he said in Psalms 55:12-14:

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;

If a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.

But it is you, someone like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."

This is the toughest part ~ dealing with the ambivalence I feel because it came from ones so close and so dear to me.

A New Beginning

It has been quite a while since I've posted anything. I had major back surgery on August 17th. They put 6 screws and 2 posts into my spine and then fused the bottom 2 discs. I was in the hospital for almost a week. The whole process was very daunting and I wouldn't want to have to do it again, but I am very glad I did it! It has been a long process since I first began my battle with severe back pain.....3 years of constant pain, but 10 years of battling lower back issues.....but I am happy to report that 2 months after my surgery I am doing better than my surgeon has ever seen in any of his patients! Praise God, is all that can be said to that!!!! It is nothing short of a miracle to have such an incredible outcome.

While recovering from the surgery I was cared for by so many dear friends and family members. The countless cards, phone calls, meals, flowers, gifts and visitors were SO amazing! It was such a blessing! Thanks to all who prayed and supported me through this entire process ~ I couldn't have done it without you!

God's healing hand has truly touched me in a way that I don't deserve, but am so grateful for. He continues to blow me away with His extravagant love and grace in my life! He is SO TRUSTWORTHY...we cannot even begin to fathom it.

Psalm 62:1-2, 8

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Trust Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

Made to WORSHIP

"Oh for a thousand tongues to sing my great redeemer's praise!"...this is a line from a favorite hymn of mine.  I love this line, because it catches exactly how my heart feels when I'm praising God....it's like I don't have the ability to express my praise with just my one mouth (however big it may be).  The Bible says that we were created to praise God and bring Him glory & honor with every ounce of our being.  I am convinced that when we do just that, we are truly fulfilling our greatest purpose in life!  

There is no high like praising the MOST HIGH (a favorite quote from Beth Moore)!!!

One of my favorite things in all the world is walking my 4 mile route through my neighborhood while listening to my favorite praise songs.  If you were to drive past me anywhere along that route, it would not be unusual to see me with my hands held high and singing along....a bit unusual, I suppose, compared to most of the other people out walking/running -- but it is, BY FAR,  the BEST way to start the day!!!   

The beauty of worship is how God even allows us to be ushered into His holy presence.  We are fallen, sinful beings....how it is possible for us to enter His presence and not be utterly destroyed---that is amazing grace in action, right there!!!  But even more ~ once we get there God reveals Himself to us further.  He shows us His awesomeness and then fills us with more of His Spirit to revive us and give us renewed life.  We are then motivated to repentance with perpetuates us to fall on our faces in TOTAL SURRENDER and adoration of such incredible merciful God.  It is almost too much for me to comprehend.

When I see God as He is, I am in the perfect light to see myself as I really am...every possibility of human goodness flees me in the presence of God's glory.  I am humbled and therefore able to really enter into worship of my Creator and Savior.  Humility gets a bad rap in our modern-day times.  It's viewed as being weak.  But the opposite of humility is pride.  Daniel 4:37 says, "...those who walk in pride, He is able to humble."  God hates pride.  It leaves no room for Him.  It is one of the biggest obstacles that can get in the way of our relationship with Christ.  Thankfully, God is faithful to remove the obstacles when we draw near to Him and ask Him to.  Hallelujah!

Of Mice and Sin...a lesson in getting rid of "the sin that so easily entangles us"

I have always had a huge aversion to mice.  I don't know why, but they just seem to unnerve me.  It's not that they're vicious or particularly scary....they simply freak me out!  Why this random topic of mice, you ask?  Well, we recently retrieved our trailer from the barn we store it in so we could get it ready to go camping.  This is an annual ritual for us, as we always go on our first camping trip of the year over Memorial day weekend.  Much to our dismay, there was evidence that mice had been "camping" in our trailer over the winter.  They wreaked havoc all over the place, destroying things everywhere!  Mice are not clean little things and they leave a disgusting mess in their wake.  Suffice it to say that we had to clean, scrub and disinfect every square inch of our trailer.  It took the better part of 2 solid days to do it all.  What was most frustrating of all was trying to figure out how in the world they got into the trailer in the first place.  Throughout our cleaning frenzy I couldn't help but see the object lesson that was taking shape before me ---  Just like the mice in our trailer - so it is with sin in our lives.  Once we allow even the smallest bit of access for sin to take root in us, before long it runs rampant and infects everything.  Then it is imminently necessary for us to confess it sooner rather than later, or else we will have one giant MESS on our hands (and in our hearts and minds)!  Thankfully we have a Savior who died for us so that we could be cleansed and forgiven in just such times when we let our guard down and allow sin to creep in.  

"....let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." - Hebrews 12:1 & 2a

* Footnote to this story......the 3rd day of getting the trailer ready, I opened one of the cupboards in the back bedroom of the trailer to get some linens out.  This cupboard is completely separate and, we thought, totally unaccessible for the mice.  However, shortly after I opened the door, I was startled to find that there was a LIVE mouse in there running to opposite side of the cupboard!  Another lesson to be learned????  Be VERY CAREFUL to make sure you search your heart for every hint of sin.  Because just about the time you decide that it couldn't possibly affect a particular area of your life.....you may just find it, not only living there - but thriving and taking real root.

Thoughts on why I LOVE being a Mom

There have been many titles I have held over the course of my lifetime....daughter, first-born, sister, friend, grand-daughter, cousin, singer, actress, Girl Scout, student, 1st Runner-up in the Little Miss Tadpole competition, softball player (sort-of...if you count turning cartwheels in the outfield as "playing" softball), cheerleader, secretary, data-entry person, AP assistant, girlfriend, wife, sunday school teacher, bible study leader, prayer warrior.....and......, of course, MOM.  

Mom is such a small word, and yet it encompasses SO MANY titles/jobs within itself.  If you were list them all out, I doubt any woman would want the job, frankly.  But, there is nothing like hearing those words..."I love you, Mommy" - it makes your heart melt a thousand times over!

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  It was officially my 18th Mother's Day.  Honestly I can scarcely believe that fact, but it's true - I have been a mom for 18 years, now.  It has been the wildest ride of my life!  I mean that in a good way, of course.  It hasn't always been fun, or easy....but always very rewarding and I wouldn't trade a single second of any of it for ANYTHING ELSE this world has to offer me.  

For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a mom.  I was one of those little girls who had every doll that Mattel ever made.  The ones that cried, ate, slept, wet, talked, walked and did anything else they could get them to do.  I absolutely loved playing with my dolls and Barbies...it was role-playing at its very best!  I always knew that one day I would be a mom...of course, I thought I would first be a singer on TV with a show just like Sonny & Cher or Donny & Marie Osmond.......but, thankfully, God directs our steps.

  

Having 3 teenagers now, it can be a somewhat challenging job to have these days.  They each are striving for their own kind of independence, no longer feeling the need to be attached to my hip, my leg or in my arms.  I am thrilled to see them growing & maturing into such incredible young people.  My heart overflows with love & affection for Jacob, Emily & Zachary.  I don't think I could love them more, I am so crazy about them!  They are the 3 biggest blessings of my entire lifetime and I thank God for them every single day.  I wouldn't be who I am today without them.  They have taught me just as much as I have taught them....maybe more!  

It's my prayer that the next 18 years of motherhood, for me, will be just as wonderful as the first 18 have been.  No question it will be very different from these earlier years, but I know God has great things in store and His blessings are so much more than we can ever imagine - aren't they?  Praise Him!  He is always Faithful, forever loving & never failing!!!

A Life Lesson....on this Good Friday 2009

Today, Good Friday, is probably the most conflicted day of the year for Christians.  The conflict is complex.....Being the day that Jesus Christ gave up His very life to purchase our freedom from sin and an eternity of death.  Honestly, it is the best day in history for all of mankind.  The complexity of the conflict lies in the reality that Jesus, chose to lay aside His rights as King of Kings and Lord of Lords in order to walk that long road up to the cross and die an excruciating death for we, who had no hope and no possibility of saving ourselves.  He paid such a high price for us while we were steeped and entrenched in our own sin and completely caught up in ourselves.  It is heart-wrenching for us to comprehend that kind of sacrifice.  This is grace ....unmerited favor.... undeserved mercy ....unrestrained compassion ....unfathomable love.

I can't imagine that kind of sacrifice or having the kind of resolve and purpose to actually choose to lay down my life on behalf of a sinful, fallen world that doesn't even acknowledge their need for a savior in the first place.  

This week God has given me a new insight into Jesus sacrifice that has really impacted me in a very personal way.....I received word from the surgeon, this week, that I really should have back surgery on the two collapsed discs in my lower back.  The situation, for now, is not dire or a "life and death" kind of situation....but surgery is an option and is a much better alternative than living on muscle-relaxers & pain medications.  I was somewhat frustrated with the fact that the surgeon left the ball in my court, so to speak....seemed to me it would be SO much easier to do what I was told if he just simply said, "you need surgery and you need it NOW!"  But, how do I CHOOSE to have a surgery that will leave me down flat for 2-3 months, plus another couple of months before I'm completely back to normal???    That's a tough decision to make.  Especially when it will certainly consume 4-6 months of my life (and my family's).  

I found myself questioning the Lord on this whole thing...."Why does it have to be surgery?  Why now?  Why do I have to make the decision?  Why can't it be some easier way?"  I was getting pretty overwhelmed with all the thoughts reeling through my mind.  Next, I started to second-guess everything!  "Maybe I can just wait it out for a year or two....I mean, the drugs are getting me by, for now.   I was actually entertaining the idea of waiting around indefinitely before going through with the surgery.  

Well, I got a bit of a wake-up call when I dialoged with my regular doctor about managing my pain long-term with my current med's.  It would be hazardous to my health, at best.  So there I was again, back to that heart-wrenching decisio.  When to do the surgery????  There will ALWAYS be something to be sacrificed in choosing a date - a family vacation, "once-in-a-lifetime" school activities, Zachary's football games, Emily's school play performances, Jacob's Senior year, etc, etc, etc...  On and on my list went, and further and further my excuses pushed the idea of surgery  well-into the year of 2013.  Then yesterday, as I was vaccuming my house and my back was practically convulsing with spasms, I sensed the Lord urging me to reconsider and get a date set sooner rather than later.  So I sat down and took a serious look at our family calendar.  The best scenario I could come up with was a sugery date of late July/early August.  This would allow us to still have our family camping trips with our dearest friends and get us through the busier part of the summer.  So, I presented my proposal to Mark and he agreed that it seemed like the best idea.  

It is still a tough thing to cement in stone a plan that involves such a sacrifice of a large chunk of your life....and yet as I sit here, this morning, comtemplating all that Christ chose to give up for me - it wasn't just a mere few months of His life that He sacrificed.  He gave it ALL up!  Everything.  No hold backs.  No take-backs.  No compromises.  Here I am struggling to follow-through with something as menial as a surgery!  That is NOTHING compared to death on a cross.  How petty my prayers seem about such a trivial thing.......compared to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsamane, when He prayed and asked God to take the cup of death from Him - BUT, then followed that request immediately with..."yet not my will, but thine" .  How agonizing it must've been for Him to set out on that long and painful walk up to Calvary knowing He would give it all away - willingly.  He could've taked an easier route at any moment and yet He didn't.  Because He knew there was only ONE way to make the necessary atonement for us.     

Thank you Lord, for your incredible sacrifice....how can I be silent when faced with such mercy & love?  There is nothing sweeter than Your love and forgiveness!  Help me to be so committed to You and Your plan for my life, that I will be absolutely resolved to do what You ask me to do without hesitating or backing down. Knowing that You will walk me through every step of the road You call me to follow You on.

We are "more than CONQUERORS", through Jesus!

It has been a week of endless running around from events, to appointments, to practices, to games, to anything & everything!  I have found myself overwhelmed, at times, wondering why does life have to get SO BUSY???  When you have chronic pain to deal with, it makes everything seem more difficult to surmount.  

One thing I am learning through this difficult season of my life is......how to be more dependent on God and less apt to run ahead on my own strength .  Control has always been something I like to cling to in life's circumstances.  But, honestly - between having 3 teenagers & learning to live life in constant pain....I am learning first-hand how to rely on the grace of God like never before.  It sounds pretty lame & cliche  - even as I typed those words out, just now.  But, seriously I think I am now coming to a place of realizing the good that God has accomplished in me, already, through this season of chronic pain.  What has been debilitating, frustrating and incredibly humbling - has, in fact, created a need in my soul for a much greater dependence on my merciful God who longs to have me look to Him in the first place for all that I need to make it through the day.  

For most of my life, I have had a tendency to take the easiest ways out of difficult situations in order to escape them with the least amount of scars possible.  Even when God may have been calling me to persevere and allow His plan to be worked out in & through me.  Jesus never took the easy way out....He lived His life to be poured out & broken for us every single day.  He even took it to the highest level and gave up His very life....taking on MANY scars in order to pour Himself out completely & totally!  All to save us from ourselves.

This week, in my devotions I read something out of "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  It was all about the joy that comes from being, as Paul says "more than conquerors in Christ".....it reads:  

"The surf that distresses the ordinary swimmer produces in the surf-rider the super-joy of going clean through it.  Apply that to our own circumstances, these very things - tribulations, deistresses, persecution, produce in us the super-joy;  they are not things to FIGHT!  We are more than conquerors through Jesus in all these things, not in spite of them, but IN THE MIDST OF THEM!!! Christians never know the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but BECAUSE OF IT."

I love this picture of the surf-rider.  After going to Hawaii and watching the surfers out there getting slammed & tossed all over the place by the huge, daunting waves - I can't imagine being out there without the solid place to stand - Jesus, our "surf board" that is the ONLY thing that can take us clean through the fiercest wave that seems unsurmountable.  If we try to swim through it on our own....we'll inevitably be tossed into the rocks along the shore, or get swept out to sea and be totally overwhelmed by the ocean.  Yes, the joy is in the scariest part...which requires total dependence on the ONE who can get me safely to shore.  Hallelujah!  He is so GREAT....Praise Him!  He is worthy, He is awesome, HE IS MY LORD & MY GOD!

A Different Kind of LOVE

 "Love is PATIENT and KIND.  Love is NOT JEALOUS...NOT BOASTFUL...NOT PROUD...and NOT RUDE.  Love DOES NOT DEMAND ITS OWN WAY.  Love is NOT IRRITABLE, and it KEEPS NO RECORD OF BEING WRONGED.  Love DOES NOT REJOICE ABOUT INJUSTICE but REJOICES WHENEVER THE TRUTH WINS OUT!  Love NEVER GIVES UP, NEVER LOSES FAITH, is ALWAYS HOPEFUL, and ENDURES THROUGH EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE.....LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER!!!"     - I Corinthians 13:4-8  (NLT, paraphrased)

We've been studying the I Cor. 13 passage on love in our sermon series for the last few weeks, at church.  I have to say it has been really great to review the attributes of what love really IS....and what love IS NOT.

One thing I find very challenging in this study on love is the fact that  "love is patient" means that real love has the ability to be wronged or hurt, but not retaliate.  

This concept goes way beyond my natural human default.  It is far easier to lash out vindictively, especially when someone else has clearly done something out of line, or even sinful to me.  And yet God's Word is clearly saying that the kind of love that comes from His Holy Spirit is a love that bears the brunt of being wounded - patiently, without needing to repay the person who hurt me with something hurtful.  This is a really tough concept for my brain to wrap itself around.  I think that being victimized as a small child created a voracious need, in me, for retaliation.  No question that what happened was clearly an injustice.  But it created an emotional and mental disconnect that has caused me to quench the working of the Holy Spirit in me when hurtful things occur at the hand of others.  For me, the need for retaliation can often supersede the need for displaying Christ-like love.  But the two are VERY DIFFERENT.  Retaliation is my natural default in my human nature....but it doesn't automatically bring the restoration I need.  It may feel good for a while - but it does not heal me or the relationship involved.  It is very likely that the need for retaliation can become the default in situations where being lovingly patient is the Spirit-filled way to be.  

It is always easy to justify my cause when it involves obvious wrong-doing to me by someone else.  However, Jesus gave me the perfect example of how to be lovingly patient in this exact situation:  

I Peter 2:23    "He (Jesus) did not retaliate when He was insulted, nor threaten revenge when He suffered.  He left Himself in the hands of God, who always judges fairly."  

Jesus suffered far more than I ever have at the hands of others.  If He, who is perfect, can endure suffering at the hands of imperfect people - then I, who am imperfect, must endeavor to do the same. 

This is not the kind of love that comes easily, that's for sure.  But, if it were easy - it would not require me to rely on the Holy Spirit to make it a reality.  Love that can be given from my own strength will inevitably falter in the face of difficulty and trial.  Love that is extended from a Spirit-filled heart that entrusts itself to God, regardless of the circumstances - that is REAL, CHRIST-LIKE LOVE.

I am so grateful that my Savior extended this kind of love to me when He gave His life up to save me....when I didn't deserve it.  I have a lot to learn about what it means to love like Jesus did.  But, thankfully He is faithful to bear with me as I slowly make progress on my journey with Him.

Real JOY!

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign LORD is my strength...."    Habakkuk 3:18-19

This morning found me searching for scriptures on joy.  Mostly because I found myself feeling unhappy.  Circumstances that come out of an imperfect world can often drag me down and cause my spirit to feel faint.  One thing I found in my search for joy, is that real joy doesn't have anything to do with my circumstances (happiness is circumstantial)!  

The actual definition of joy is:  the emotion evoked by the prospect of possessing what you desire.

Joy is a by-product of my anticipation and hope!  My hope is in the LORD....therefore I do have joy!

Maintaining hope can be tough.  Especially when I am faced with the harsh realities of the tragically fallen world that I live in.  Daily, it seems, my children come home with a  plate-full of heavy burdens that come from simply "being in the world", and I myself bear witness to countless things in this world that break my heart.  It's times like these that I wish I had the perfect solution to "fix" the many problems we face.  But, it is by design that I do not have all the answers.  I do know the One who does.  His name is "El Roi" - He is the God who sees me  - and He sees all things, everywhere.  He is my hope......my only hope. 

Habakkuk wrestled with lots of questions in his day.  Questions of why heartbreaking things would go on and on around him in his society.  Evil and perverse ways seemed to flourish and overcome the good.....sounds a lot like the world I live in.

Daily I am faced with evidence that this world, without a doubt, needs the transformation of heart that only Jesus Christ can give.  I am an ambassador of my Savior - left here in this troubled world for the purpose of pointing the lost to my glorious, mighty God.  To give them hope.  A real and lasting kind of hope.  I will look to Jesus because, in Him, I will never be shaken....for He fills me with JOY in His presence! 

The Incredible Power of Prayer

Phillipians 4:6-7  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

The past week has been a bit of a challenge.....emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Relationships have been stretched.....my faith has been tested.....my heart has nearly broken a time or two.....my mind has reeled in more directions than I can count....and, my ability to trust people has found itself floundering, to say the least.  

When life takes a sharp left and I find myself on two wheels, instead of four, the first thing I do is call on my Savior.  Only HE can bring peace to my troubled heart.  Prayer is truly a lifeline for a battered soul who is weary from the bumps and bruises of this world.  It's amazing, really - what prayer does for my spirit...even though circumstances haven't yet changed.  It is a testament to the power of God's peace that truly passes all human understanding & logic.  And for the times when I don't even have the words to articulate to the Lord?  What then?  It is comforting to know that even when I haven't the words to pray...Jesus, Himself prays for me.  The very idea that Christ lives to intercede on my behalf is almost too wonderful for me to wrap my brain around.....but the Bible says that's exactly what He's doing right now.   Praise Him! 

Jesus is my HOPE

Today I feel as though life is tossing & throwing me this way and that.  

In times like these, it is not uncommon to find myself grasping for things to steady me while I am amidst the ferocity of life's waves.  

I am so thankful that I have a God who can tether me and keep me in the palm of His hand no matter what I go through.  Life can be trying sometimes.  It is ever a reminder of the fact that this is not my home.  Yesterday in the Beth Moore video she spoke about hope and how our hope is anchored in Christ.  It occured to me today, that if you happen to place your hope in something.....ANYTHING other than CHRIST - your hope will be in vain.  Do this too many times and hopelessness will set in.  Beth made a statement about hopelessness...."Hopelessness will always make your soul sick." She gave several scriptures that talked about the connection between a lack of hope and a downcast soul.  I know what this is like.  I have been there a time or two.  Hopelessness is heart-sickening.  But, hopelessness comes straight from the pit of hell....I believe that the enemy uses it to perpetuate his plan to foil my trust in God.  Hopelessness & feelings of helplessness are weapons used to thwart my faith.  They are lies.  The quickest way to a renewed hope is to turn my focus back to Christ.  Just like when Peter was walking on the water, out to Jesus....the second he took his focus off of Jesus, he started to sink.....so it is with me.  It's easy to take my eyes of the LORD and focus on the temporal things of this earthly life and allow the overwhelming feelings of hopelessness creep in and overtake me.  Psalm 42:11 tells me to put my hope in God....that is where I can find the strength to go on and the grace I need to make it through tough times.  It is only in the presence of my mighty God that my soul will find refreshment from the weariness of life.  The bonus is that while there in His holy presence I can't help but find myself singing of His faithfulness & grace ....what else can you do when you are faced with such undeserved mercy???  There is only one response.  That is, to cry out in uninhibited worship of "El Roi" - the God who sees me, right where I'm at and pours out His lavish love on me.  Praise you, Jesus!  You are my rock & my Savior. 

Encouragement from Hebrews 3

It has been a pretty rough week & a half, or so. 

My back is definitely getting worse. 

It took me 2 hours last Wednesday just to get my groceries ( and that didn't include unloading or putting them away). There are a lot of little things that add up into harsh reality checks for me, physically.  One of the hardest parts of dealing with chronic pain, by far - is dealing with others' lack of compassion and understanding.  I hope I never get so wrapped up in myself that I can't be empathetic & compassionate on people close to me when they need it most....don't get me wrong, I'm sure that I have done this on occasion - but being where I am now, well let's just say I hope I learn from this situation and can be better about shouldering peoples burdens when they're struggling.  

Insensitivity is truly of the devil - I am convinced.  It doesn't build anyone up, it doesn't even spur you on to anything but selfishness & apathy.

How many times do I act insensitively to others around me....when the Spirit of God is clearly directing me to do otherwise?  

Why do I hesitate with regard to acting on the Holy Spirit's prompting???  Is it pride?  Is it fear?  Is just plain laziness?

Hebrew 3:13 says "Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called TODAY, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."  I love the urgency that is put into this verse!  It suggests that if you hesitate, you won't do it because sin will creep in and deceive you into thinking it's not that big of a deal to encourage others.  The fact is a little encouragement & compassion can go a LONG WAY to helping someone take heart and feel supported & loved.....and isn't that our job, as Christian's - to help build one another up until the day of the Lord's return?

Issues of the Heart

What are you supposed to do when you feel you're not being heard?  

Whether someone else purely doesn't get how you really feel, or they simply choose not to "hear " what it is you have to say because they know they will have to change their behavior and do things they don't feel are part of their agenda.  

It's a lot harder when that person is someone close to you....someone who should be concerned about your feelings and desire to work with you.  

I've never been good at consistently sharing my feelings about things that bother me.  I don't know why....it could be because many times I am invalidated when I do share them...or....maybe it's because I want so much to please the people who are close to me so I don't feel compelled to 'upset their apple cart'.  

This is something I would like to change about myself....but am at a loss as to how to do it.

I love Micah 6:8 - "God has shown you what is good and what He requires of you...to do things that are just and right, to love mercy and walk humbly with Him".  Jesus did exactly that.  This is how we are to be in our daily lives.  If we follow this pattern, no matter how it's received by others, God will honor our faithfulness.  The key is to do it in a humble, godly manner.

This is my prayer today...that I can be faithful to the One who calls me - God looks at the heart, while we see merely what is on the outside.  I want to be one who has a pure heart before God.  This is where change begins!

 

Life Is Hard...sometimes!

This weekend was incredibly BUSY!  

Yes, Jacob & Emily had their Homecoming night & respective dates on Saturday.  I wasn't able to be at Jacob's dinner to get pictures of he & his date, but I did go and get photo's of my little girl and her date, Jacob Wolfe.  It was surreal, to say the least....do you ever have moments that hit you from out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel as though a huge lapse of time & change has abruptly occured and somehow you were blatantly left out of it all???  Well, that is the very thing I came face-to-face with as I focussed my camera on my sweet daughter Saturday night.  She looked beautiful, of course and I was dumbfounded over how grown-up she was. 

Sunday found me getting up at the crack of dawn....after going to bed at nearly 1am.  The second I stood up, I knew it was going to be a tough day, physically.  My back was in complete spasm for the better part of the day....so much so that throughout the first service @ church, I felt as though my body was uncontrollably convulsing, at times.  Add that to the fact that yesterday some dear friends had some very difficult news revealed about them.  It was a tough thing to watch and process.  It's always a challenge to your faith when decisions are made in a manner that is contrary to what you believe to be fair, and then things are handled in a way that doesn't appear to be completely forthright & truthful.  My spirit was very down-trodden yesterday, because of it.  This is one of those times in life when I am reminded that I live in an imperfect world.  Thankfully Jesus has already overcome the world, and in the end His justice will prevail here!

Ponderings...

Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

I have always loved this portion of Scripture...I suppose it's because I'm such a sentimental person.  I love to recall & remember the experiences of life....whether good, bad, fun, difficult, exciting, sorrowful or just plain mundane.  I think Mary's example is worthy to be noted.  There is always something for us to take and ponder from the life that God gives us.  He is always changing us, blessing us, teaching us, always giving us the grace we need to make it through life. 

This blog is simply my way of recounting the undeserved grace-filled life that God has so mercifully given to me...it will most likely be a combination of ramblings from an ordinary woman/wife/mom/...but I am forever grateful to be each one of those things!   It will also be a palette for a "girl who has been saved by grace" to paint a portrait of God's gloriousness for all to gaze upon.  He is my strength and MY SONG....and I will FOREVER SING HIS PRAISES!!!