Today, Good Friday, is probably the most conflicted day of the year for Christians. The conflict is complex.....Being the day that Jesus Christ gave up His very life to purchase our freedom from sin and an eternity of death. Honestly, it is the best day in history for all of mankind. The complexity of the conflict lies in the reality that Jesus, chose to lay aside His rights as King of Kings and Lord of Lords in order to walk that long road up to the cross and die an excruciating death for we, who had no hope and no possibility of saving ourselves. He paid such a high price for us while we were steeped and entrenched in our own sin and completely caught up in ourselves. It is heart-wrenching for us to comprehend that kind of sacrifice. This is grace ....unmerited favor.... undeserved mercy ....unrestrained compassion ....unfathomable love.I can't imagine that kind of sacrifice or having the kind of resolve and purpose to actually choose to lay down my life on behalf of a sinful, fallen world that doesn't even acknowledge their need for a savior in the first place.
This week God has given me a new insight into Jesus sacrifice that has really impacted me in a very personal way.....I received word from the surgeon, this week, that I really should have back surgery on the two collapsed discs in my lower back. The situation, for now, is not dire or a "life and death" kind of situation....but surgery is an option and is a much better alternative than living on muscle-relaxers & pain medications. I was somewhat frustrated with the fact that the surgeon left the ball in my court, so to speak....seemed to me it would be SO much easier to do what I was told if he just simply said, "you need surgery and you need it NOW!" But, how do I CHOOSE to have a surgery that will leave me down flat for 2-3 months, plus another couple of months before I'm completely back to normal??? That's a tough decision to make. Especially when it will certainly consume 4-6 months of my life (and my family's).
I found myself questioning the Lord on this whole thing...."Why does it have to be surgery? Why now? Why do I have to make the decision? Why can't it be some easier way?" I was getting pretty overwhelmed with all the thoughts reeling through my mind. Next, I started to second-guess everything! "Maybe I can just wait it out for a year or two....I mean, the drugs are getting me by, for now. I was actually entertaining the idea of waiting around indefinitely before going through with the surgery.
Well, I got a bit of a wake-up call when I dialoged with my regular doctor about managing my pain long-term with my current med's. It would be hazardous to my health, at best. So there I was again, back to that heart-wrenching decisio. When to do the surgery???? There will ALWAYS be something to be sacrificed in choosing a date - a family vacation, "once-in-a-lifetime" school activities, Zachary's football games, Emily's school play performances, Jacob's Senior year, etc, etc, etc... On and on my list went, and further and further my excuses pushed the idea of surgery well-into the year of 2013. Then yesterday, as I was vaccuming my house and my back was practically convulsing with spasms, I sensed the Lord urging me to reconsider and get a date set sooner rather than later. So I sat down and took a serious look at our family calendar. The best scenario I could come up with was a sugery date of late July/early August. This would allow us to still have our family camping trips with our dearest friends and get us through the busier part of the summer. So, I presented my proposal to Mark and he agreed that it seemed like the best idea.
It is still a tough thing to cement in stone a plan that involves such a sacrifice of a large chunk of your life....and yet as I sit here, this morning, comtemplating all that Christ chose to give up for me - it wasn't just a mere few months of His life that He sacrificed. He gave it ALL up! Everything. No hold backs. No take-backs. No compromises. Here I am struggling to follow-through with something as menial as a surgery! That is NOTHING compared to death on a cross. How petty my prayers seem about such a trivial thing.......compared to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsamane, when He prayed and asked God to take the cup of death from Him - BUT, then followed that request immediately with..."yet not my will, but thine" . How agonizing it must've been for Him to set out on that long and painful walk up to Calvary knowing He would give it all away - willingly. He could've taked an easier route at any moment and yet He didn't. Because He knew there was only ONE way to make the necessary atonement for us.
Thank you Lord, for your incredible sacrifice....how can I be silent when faced with such mercy & love? There is nothing sweeter than Your love and forgiveness! Help me to be so committed to You and Your plan for my life, that I will be absolutely resolved to do what You ask me to do without hesitating or backing down. Knowing that You will walk me through every step of the road You call me to follow You on.
