Much Ado About Emily

Last month I had the privilege of attending my daughter's incredible High School production of "Nothin' Much" - a contemporary adaptation of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing". It was fabulous!!! It was a musical. It had several 50's & 60's tunes strewn throughout the script that made it a lot of FUN!

The best part, for me, was watching Emily emulate a character that is nothing like herself. She played the female villain -- which, for this particular version, was a rebel-girl in a black leather jacket who ran around with the cigarette-smoking, naughty boys who did their very best to stir up trouble wherever they could. Her amazing ability to portray the part was remarkable! It's an awesome experience to watch your child blossom before your very eyes. As a mom I've always imagined my daughter succeeding at great things in her lifetime....but, when you have a "front-row" seat to its very happening --it is phenomenal, to say the least!!! Her stage-presence, her facial expressions, the way she can "speak" without saying a word, her confident movements across the stage & her amazing delivery of every word of every line are just a few of her incredible feats onstage.

God has blessed Emily with so many talents & abilities, and she has the motivation & aspirations to make the most of her opportunities that He gives her to use those gifts. Having been a very determined little girl from the day she was born, it is neat to watch God work in her and grow her into such a unique individual. I thank God so often for His mighty presence in Emily's life. I pray that she will continue to follow hard after Jesus and rely on His all-sufficient grace to be the fuel that drives her wherever her dreams take her in life.

18 years with a boy named Jacob Michael

Eighteen years ago today I became a mom.

I remember that day SO clearly. The excitement, the anticipation, the questions, the fears....and, of course the wondering : What will he be like? Will he be healthy? Will I be a good mommy? Who's eyes will he have? Needless to say, there are a lot of questions when you embark on the road we call parenthood. 21 hours of labor was a long time, but in the end it was definitely worth it!

Never could I have imagined how much joy this little one would bring to my heart!

Watching him grow up over the years has been quite the adventure. It's amazing how fast the years have gone by. It really doesn't seem like it's been all that long. From preschool to gradeschool to junior high and now high school I've seen him grow physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually....and I am SO PROUD of the man he is becoming! Praying over Jacob has been one of my top priorities since the day he entered this world. It is a daunting task, to say the least, when you are faced with raising a child. For me, the only thing to do was bathe his life and mine in prayer to the One who created us both. My times of prayer for Jacob, over the years, have been such a blessing! Just knowing that I could intercede on his behalf and trust that God would be faithful to both of us - NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Jacob is a testament to God's faithfulness today because of who he is. One of the things I love the most about Jacob is his incredible ability to see beyond the surface in those around him. It's like he can somehow sense exactly what others need from him, in any given situation, and then he generously gives exactly that and then some. He is a servant at heart, always. He is a strong, yet gentle leader. He has a strong desire to worship God with his whole being and an amazing voice to go with that passion!

I know God has some outstanding plans for Jacob's life. It is an exciting time when you're 18. Lots of new paths to choose from, and many opportunities to decide on. As I have done for the past 18+ years I will continue to pray over this beautiful child of mine....asking God to protect, guide, nurture and prosper him into the man He is shaping him to be. God has faithfully taken this little boy who was so filled with wonder and awe at the God who rescued Daniel from the hungry lion's and He has fashioned him into a spirit-filled, passionate seeker of Him. I know God will be faithful to complete the glorious work He began in Jacob all those years ago when he knelt in his bedroom and surrendered his life to Christ. Praise Him!

What To Do With Hurt and Betrayal???

It's funny how there are times in life when you feel so loved and supported by your friends....and then there are times when they are inexplicably absent from your life. I suppose it is just part of the ebb and flow of the normal tide of everyone's lives rising and leveling back out. But, then there are those times when you feel you're being purposely isolated -- what then? It's an ambivalent place to be because on one hand you love and adore them, they're who you call to share things with - good, or bad. But when they hurt you in a shockingly blatant way, you suddenly find yourself floundering in a mix of emotions toward them that seem very foreign.

I had just such an incident happen to me last Sunday night. It shocked me to say the least. Mostly because I can't, in my wildest imaginings, ever picture myself treating my closest friends with such disregard. It is also extremely poor timing. We are entering the time of year when my emotions and self-esteem struggle the most with demons from my past...scars that suddenly ooze with painful memories of horrible events that caused unimaginable betrayal and hurt. It was just such events that created a bent in me to not allow myself to be vulnerable with people. So, here I am once again --fighting the urge to completely give up on people, in general.

I found myself tearfully questioning God on this.

Then, as I sat in Bible Study on Wednesday morning - I think I had a glimpse of a potential breakthrough. The words, "And you shall know that I AM the LORD your God" spoke volumes to me, as I sat there feeling very discouraged and pushed aside. God emerges front and center in our lives when we are completely blindsided by hurt, betrayal and devastation. Because He is incapable of those things. He cannot disown Himself! It is in those times that we can rest peacefully and wholly in the arms of the One who will never let us down - ever!

Later that day it hit me! God is the only one who is incapable of betraying or hurting me.....so why do I foolishly allow myself to think that those closest to me could ever be like that? They are, after all, only human - in the same way that I am. I can never be everything to everyone in my life ~ I can try, but inevitably I will fail at some point. Granted this was a deliberate thing that was done to me, but the same grace that saves my soul when I mess up, needs to be extended regardless of the intent behind the offense.

Today, is a little better. I think I am learning that forgiveness is not always an easy thing -- in fact the harder it is, the more necessary it probably is. I am working toward this...it's awful when you feel like your the victim of a carefully orchestrated plot. But with God's help I will get there. I think I can empathize with David, though, when he said in Psalms 55:12-14:

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;

If a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.

But it is you, someone like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."

This is the toughest part ~ dealing with the ambivalence I feel because it came from ones so close and so dear to me.

A New Beginning

It has been quite a while since I've posted anything. I had major back surgery on August 17th. They put 6 screws and 2 posts into my spine and then fused the bottom 2 discs. I was in the hospital for almost a week. The whole process was very daunting and I wouldn't want to have to do it again, but I am very glad I did it! It has been a long process since I first began my battle with severe back pain.....3 years of constant pain, but 10 years of battling lower back issues.....but I am happy to report that 2 months after my surgery I am doing better than my surgeon has ever seen in any of his patients! Praise God, is all that can be said to that!!!! It is nothing short of a miracle to have such an incredible outcome.

While recovering from the surgery I was cared for by so many dear friends and family members. The countless cards, phone calls, meals, flowers, gifts and visitors were SO amazing! It was such a blessing! Thanks to all who prayed and supported me through this entire process ~ I couldn't have done it without you!

God's healing hand has truly touched me in a way that I don't deserve, but am so grateful for. He continues to blow me away with His extravagant love and grace in my life! He is SO TRUSTWORTHY...we cannot even begin to fathom it.

Psalm 62:1-2, 8

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Trust Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

A tribute to my DAD

Yesterday was father's day.  I have always loved holidays that celebrate people in our lives - Mother's Day, Grandparent's Day, Anniversary's & Birthdays - because it gives you the opportunity to tell them how much you appreciate them.  So often, in our busy lives these days, we do not take the time to really express how we feel about those closest to us.  It's so important to say the things on our hearts....to let people know how much we love them and what it is we love most about them!

So, back to yesterday..........we had my parents and some dear friends join us for a BBQ.  It was great to have them here.  It was a busy afternoon of preparing food, enjoying some good wine, visiting and - of course- eating!  But, somewhere amidst all of the hub-bub of housefull of rowdy teenagers, an overactive dog and everyone else in between.....I had this overwhelming feeling of enormous  love & appreciation for my Dad.  

My Dad has always been a man of incredible sacrifice.  Most of my fondest memories of him are full of his fun-loving, self-sacrificing, kind-hearted and Christ-like heart.  I remember as a small child he would gather together all the neighborhood kids on our block and play frisbee-golf until it was so dark we couldn't even see the frisbee anymore (there were no other Dad's anywhere to be seen).  Many of these kids were unchurched at the time and he would load many of them up in our family car and drive us all to church, sunday-school, vacation Bible school and youth group events every week.  Many of these people are still walking solidly with Jesus today!  Praise God!!.......................Another thing I've always loved about my Dad is how he would strive so hard to read the Bible to us, when I was growing up.  Family devotions were a very regular occurrence in our home and most of the time, it was my Dad who would read the Bible to us and discuss spiritual truths regularly.  To this day I see my Dad as a man who sets out to be in God's Word daily, an example that I still benefit from today, as do my children................My Dad has always been the kind of guy who would give you his last dime, if you genuinely had a need for it.  I remember being on a family trip one time and  we encountered a homeless man who asked my Dad for some money.  Most people would have just walked right on by and ignored such a request from a stranger on the street - but my Dad took the man down the street and bought him a meal right then and there.  It was kind, compassionate acts like this that taught me to give to others, even when you don't HAVE to.  He has routinely been "Jesus" with skin on to many people over the years, some close friends, some complete strangers..................Dad is all about his family, too.  He loves to have his kids & grandkids around as much as possible.  He loves his family with every ounce of his being!  He has always been ready to drop everything and rush to the side of any one of us when we were in a bind, or a crisis of any kind.  Once, in college, I was rushed to the emergency room in Newberg at 3:00 am and my Dad drove 90 miles an hour to get there and be with me and make sure that I was alright.  I am certain that he would move heaven and earth, if he had to, in order to make sure that any one of our family members was okay......................My Dad is great FUN, too!  He is all about having a great time and finding a way to make ordinary things extraordinary!  He is such a kid at heart!  He has custom-designed many a scavenger hunt for me and my siblings, over the years, and I'm not too sure who had more fun on the hunt - us, or him???

So, by now you can surely tell how fond I am of my Daddy!  He is an amazing man and I truly feel privileged and blessed to have him.  He is so much more than a Dad....he's part of my foundation in Christ, he's my rock-solid support, he is the picture of unconditional love, he's my hero, and he gives the biggest, best hugs of anybody I know!    I thank God for so richly blessing me with my Dad and I pray that I will have him by my side for many, many more Father's Day's to come!

  ".....choose for yourself, this day, whom you will serve.....but as for me and my household, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!"........................Joshua 24:15

Made to WORSHIP

"Oh for a thousand tongues to sing my great redeemer's praise!"...this is a line from a favorite hymn of mine.  I love this line, because it catches exactly how my heart feels when I'm praising God....it's like I don't have the ability to express my praise with just my one mouth (however big it may be).  The Bible says that we were created to praise God and bring Him glory & honor with every ounce of our being.  I am convinced that when we do just that, we are truly fulfilling our greatest purpose in life!  

There is no high like praising the MOST HIGH (a favorite quote from Beth Moore)!!!

One of my favorite things in all the world is walking my 4 mile route through my neighborhood while listening to my favorite praise songs.  If you were to drive past me anywhere along that route, it would not be unusual to see me with my hands held high and singing along....a bit unusual, I suppose, compared to most of the other people out walking/running -- but it is, BY FAR,  the BEST way to start the day!!!   

The beauty of worship is how God even allows us to be ushered into His holy presence.  We are fallen, sinful beings....how it is possible for us to enter His presence and not be utterly destroyed---that is amazing grace in action, right there!!!  But even more ~ once we get there God reveals Himself to us further.  He shows us His awesomeness and then fills us with more of His Spirit to revive us and give us renewed life.  We are then motivated to repentance with perpetuates us to fall on our faces in TOTAL SURRENDER and adoration of such incredible merciful God.  It is almost too much for me to comprehend.

When I see God as He is, I am in the perfect light to see myself as I really am...every possibility of human goodness flees me in the presence of God's glory.  I am humbled and therefore able to really enter into worship of my Creator and Savior.  Humility gets a bad rap in our modern-day times.  It's viewed as being weak.  But the opposite of humility is pride.  Daniel 4:37 says, "...those who walk in pride, He is able to humble."  God hates pride.  It leaves no room for Him.  It is one of the biggest obstacles that can get in the way of our relationship with Christ.  Thankfully, God is faithful to remove the obstacles when we draw near to Him and ask Him to.  Hallelujah!

Of Mice and Sin...a lesson in getting rid of "the sin that so easily entangles us"

I have always had a huge aversion to mice.  I don't know why, but they just seem to unnerve me.  It's not that they're vicious or particularly scary....they simply freak me out!  Why this random topic of mice, you ask?  Well, we recently retrieved our trailer from the barn we store it in so we could get it ready to go camping.  This is an annual ritual for us, as we always go on our first camping trip of the year over Memorial day weekend.  Much to our dismay, there was evidence that mice had been "camping" in our trailer over the winter.  They wreaked havoc all over the place, destroying things everywhere!  Mice are not clean little things and they leave a disgusting mess in their wake.  Suffice it to say that we had to clean, scrub and disinfect every square inch of our trailer.  It took the better part of 2 solid days to do it all.  What was most frustrating of all was trying to figure out how in the world they got into the trailer in the first place.  Throughout our cleaning frenzy I couldn't help but see the object lesson that was taking shape before me ---  Just like the mice in our trailer - so it is with sin in our lives.  Once we allow even the smallest bit of access for sin to take root in us, before long it runs rampant and infects everything.  Then it is imminently necessary for us to confess it sooner rather than later, or else we will have one giant MESS on our hands (and in our hearts and minds)!  Thankfully we have a Savior who died for us so that we could be cleansed and forgiven in just such times when we let our guard down and allow sin to creep in.  

"....let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." - Hebrews 12:1 & 2a

* Footnote to this story......the 3rd day of getting the trailer ready, I opened one of the cupboards in the back bedroom of the trailer to get some linens out.  This cupboard is completely separate and, we thought, totally unaccessible for the mice.  However, shortly after I opened the door, I was startled to find that there was a LIVE mouse in there running to opposite side of the cupboard!  Another lesson to be learned????  Be VERY CAREFUL to make sure you search your heart for every hint of sin.  Because just about the time you decide that it couldn't possibly affect a particular area of your life.....you may just find it, not only living there - but thriving and taking real root.