Ponderings from a mom's heart...

There are moments in life that catch me by surprise sometimes.  Especially the ones that cause you to sit and ponder how fast life really does go.  This weekend it occured to me how much I miss having all 5 of us together, engaging one another in conversation and just plain enjoying each other.  We had a rare occasion where we all happened to be in the TV room watching some silly thing on TV...and it caused me to pause and really soak up the moment.  With three VERY busy teens in our home (plus an exchange student) it can be weeks between times that we all actually get to sit and enjoy anything with all 5 of us present and accounted for.  It is interesting how life ebbs & flows in and out of various stages along the way-----------it really wasn't all that long ago that I recall the, almost insurmountable, task of "feeding, bathing, dressing & putting into bed" three small children.  Not to mention the exhaustion (physically, mentally & emotionally) that Mark and I would be left with after all the drinks of water, trips to go potty and extra bedtime kisses & hugs that were required in every nightly ritual.   That stage gave way into the very structured segment of life that came with gradeschool.  A time when things would go pretty smoothly, sort-of like a well-oiled machine.  Lots of family time and lots of fun!  -----------And here we are,  well-into the teen years and I find myself longing for those days when things were more simple and predictable.   I SO miss being asked that familiar request of, "Mommy, can you lay down with me and talk to me until I fall asleep?", or, "Mom, come play Lego's with me!".  It can be tough on a mom's tender heart to watch her children grow up and pull away little by little.  It is how it's supposed to go, though - much to my heart's dismay.  They must grow up and become more independent.   It's exciting to watch them move on to bigger goals in life and have successes and even some defeats here and there, as they establish their own identities in the "grown-up" world.  But, how I relish those times when they long to spend some time together and just be kids.  I am so grateful to have them at all...they are truly a blessing from above!  I can't imagine life without them.  God uses them to teach me so much in life.  Sometimes I wonder who's doing more learning....me - or them?  Thankfully we are learning and growing together as God uses us to encourage and sharpen one another in the process.  This morning, I am praising God for my family.  God is good!

Real JOY!

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign LORD is my strength...."    Habakkuk 3:18-19

This morning found me searching for scriptures on joy.  Mostly because I found myself feeling unhappy.  Circumstances that come out of an imperfect world can often drag me down and cause my spirit to feel faint.  One thing I found in my search for joy, is that real joy doesn't have anything to do with my circumstances (happiness is circumstantial)!  

The actual definition of joy is:  the emotion evoked by the prospect of possessing what you desire.

Joy is a by-product of my anticipation and hope!  My hope is in the LORD....therefore I do have joy!

Maintaining hope can be tough.  Especially when I am faced with the harsh realities of the tragically fallen world that I live in.  Daily, it seems, my children come home with a  plate-full of heavy burdens that come from simply "being in the world", and I myself bear witness to countless things in this world that break my heart.  It's times like these that I wish I had the perfect solution to "fix" the many problems we face.  But, it is by design that I do not have all the answers.  I do know the One who does.  His name is "El Roi" - He is the God who sees me  - and He sees all things, everywhere.  He is my hope......my only hope. 

Habakkuk wrestled with lots of questions in his day.  Questions of why heartbreaking things would go on and on around him in his society.  Evil and perverse ways seemed to flourish and overcome the good.....sounds a lot like the world I live in.

Daily I am faced with evidence that this world, without a doubt, needs the transformation of heart that only Jesus Christ can give.  I am an ambassador of my Savior - left here in this troubled world for the purpose of pointing the lost to my glorious, mighty God.  To give them hope.  A real and lasting kind of hope.  I will look to Jesus because, in Him, I will never be shaken....for He fills me with JOY in His presence! 

The Incredible Power of Prayer

Phillipians 4:6-7  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

The past week has been a bit of a challenge.....emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Relationships have been stretched.....my faith has been tested.....my heart has nearly broken a time or two.....my mind has reeled in more directions than I can count....and, my ability to trust people has found itself floundering, to say the least.  

When life takes a sharp left and I find myself on two wheels, instead of four, the first thing I do is call on my Savior.  Only HE can bring peace to my troubled heart.  Prayer is truly a lifeline for a battered soul who is weary from the bumps and bruises of this world.  It's amazing, really - what prayer does for my spirit...even though circumstances haven't yet changed.  It is a testament to the power of God's peace that truly passes all human understanding & logic.  And for the times when I don't even have the words to articulate to the Lord?  What then?  It is comforting to know that even when I haven't the words to pray...Jesus, Himself prays for me.  The very idea that Christ lives to intercede on my behalf is almost too wonderful for me to wrap my brain around.....but the Bible says that's exactly what He's doing right now.   Praise Him! 

Jesus is my HOPE

Today I feel as though life is tossing & throwing me this way and that.  

In times like these, it is not uncommon to find myself grasping for things to steady me while I am amidst the ferocity of life's waves.  

I am so thankful that I have a God who can tether me and keep me in the palm of His hand no matter what I go through.  Life can be trying sometimes.  It is ever a reminder of the fact that this is not my home.  Yesterday in the Beth Moore video she spoke about hope and how our hope is anchored in Christ.  It occured to me today, that if you happen to place your hope in something.....ANYTHING other than CHRIST - your hope will be in vain.  Do this too many times and hopelessness will set in.  Beth made a statement about hopelessness...."Hopelessness will always make your soul sick." She gave several scriptures that talked about the connection between a lack of hope and a downcast soul.  I know what this is like.  I have been there a time or two.  Hopelessness is heart-sickening.  But, hopelessness comes straight from the pit of hell....I believe that the enemy uses it to perpetuate his plan to foil my trust in God.  Hopelessness & feelings of helplessness are weapons used to thwart my faith.  They are lies.  The quickest way to a renewed hope is to turn my focus back to Christ.  Just like when Peter was walking on the water, out to Jesus....the second he took his focus off of Jesus, he started to sink.....so it is with me.  It's easy to take my eyes of the LORD and focus on the temporal things of this earthly life and allow the overwhelming feelings of hopelessness creep in and overtake me.  Psalm 42:11 tells me to put my hope in God....that is where I can find the strength to go on and the grace I need to make it through tough times.  It is only in the presence of my mighty God that my soul will find refreshment from the weariness of life.  The bonus is that while there in His holy presence I can't help but find myself singing of His faithfulness & grace ....what else can you do when you are faced with such undeserved mercy???  There is only one response.  That is, to cry out in uninhibited worship of "El Roi" - the God who sees me, right where I'm at and pours out His lavish love on me.  Praise you, Jesus!  You are my rock & my Savior. 

Encouragement from Hebrews 3

It has been a pretty rough week & a half, or so. 

My back is definitely getting worse. 

It took me 2 hours last Wednesday just to get my groceries ( and that didn't include unloading or putting them away). There are a lot of little things that add up into harsh reality checks for me, physically.  One of the hardest parts of dealing with chronic pain, by far - is dealing with others' lack of compassion and understanding.  I hope I never get so wrapped up in myself that I can't be empathetic & compassionate on people close to me when they need it most....don't get me wrong, I'm sure that I have done this on occasion - but being where I am now, well let's just say I hope I learn from this situation and can be better about shouldering peoples burdens when they're struggling.  

Insensitivity is truly of the devil - I am convinced.  It doesn't build anyone up, it doesn't even spur you on to anything but selfishness & apathy.

How many times do I act insensitively to others around me....when the Spirit of God is clearly directing me to do otherwise?  

Why do I hesitate with regard to acting on the Holy Spirit's prompting???  Is it pride?  Is it fear?  Is just plain laziness?

Hebrew 3:13 says "Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called TODAY, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."  I love the urgency that is put into this verse!  It suggests that if you hesitate, you won't do it because sin will creep in and deceive you into thinking it's not that big of a deal to encourage others.  The fact is a little encouragement & compassion can go a LONG WAY to helping someone take heart and feel supported & loved.....and isn't that our job, as Christian's - to help build one another up until the day of the Lord's return?

Downcast??? Put Your Hope In God!

This morning my heart is HEAVY....parenting can be tough.  Sometimes I wish God would have written an entire book of His Word on how to parent - with real-life examples and how to react, what to say, what NOT to say, how to help them learn from their mistakes, and the perfect consequences to give to them.  But, even as I write all those great reasons for a "manual" on parenting...I realize that if I had all of that at my disposal, I wouldn't be nearly so inclined to rely on God for the answers or spend as much time praying about & for my children.  Yes, God always does what is best and He has given us everything we need to make it - His GRACE is all-sufficient!

Yesterday a friend gave a verse to me from Psalm 25 (v.5).  It talks about our hope being in God ALL DAY LONG.  I love that thought...I think so many times I start out my day hoping in the LORD and then the events & dilemma's of life crowd in and overwhelm that hope.  I need to be hoping in Him constantly, not just during my morning devotions.  How much better would I parent my children if I was hoping in God continually....trusting in His Holy Spirit to do His work in me and my children, as we go along?

The following is my own version of Psalm 25 - my prayer this morning.....

To You O LORD, I lift up my soul, for it is You alone that I trust.

Do not let my children be put to shame or let the evil one have any victory in their lives.

Give Jacob, Emily & Zachary tremendous hope in You, that they may experience real peace in their hearts.

Show me Your ways, LORD, teach me to follow You into Truth.  

You are my Savior and my hope is in You constantly.

God, You are good and upright and You guide the humble into Your will.

Help my children to fear You all the days of their lives, that they may know the benefit of Your blessings forever.

All Your ways, O LORD, are loving and faithful. 

For the sake of Your name, LORD, forgive me when I stumble and lose my focus on You. 

Help my eyes to be ever on You, LORD, for only You can pick me up again.

Turn to me, and strengthen my spirit, God, for I am lonely and weak from the afflictions of this world.

Trouble multiplies all around me, daily - but You, O God are quick to answer my call.

You guard my life and lives of my children.  

Rescue us, LORD; Give us the faith to put our trust in You and take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

May integrity and uprightness protect us because our hope is in You!

Amen!

A Lesson on Character....learned from my son

Last night we went to Jacob's basketball game at Valley Catholic.  It was a great game!  We ended up winning in OT by one point.  At halftime, however, I found myself irritated & frustrated because Jacob was the only player who hadn't been put in by the coach yet.  At this point I was wishing I had a more vocal son...that he would stand up for himself and mention to the coach he hadn't played yet.  Well the second half went the exact same way...and with 3 minutes left in the game we had lost our 18 pt. lead and were now trailing by 3.  We had 2 guys foul-out and the coach finally put Jacob in with 2.04 minutes to go.  We ended up going into overtime and winning.

Now, all that to say I was sad for Jacob cause he hardly got to play - and he LOVES basketball & his team.  But, when I inquired about the reason he didn't play he replied, "Mom, coach just forgot to put me in...it was an intense game and he just wasn't aware."  I asked him why he didn't speak up and he said that the coach gets frustrated when the players complain about playing time.  He also said that one of the boys who fouled out (a boy who has a reputation for a bad attitude) sat down next to Jacob, after fouling out, and started complaining about the referee's "bad calls" and began moping & muttering about how we were sure to lose now.   Jacob promptly turned to him and said, "Look, I haven't played once this entire game, but I have sat here and faithfully supported our team anyway...so you have 2 choices, dude- you can either sit here and have a bad attitude and bring everybody down, or you can choose to support your team.  But frankly, I don't want to sit here and have to listen to your whining!"

Now I don't know what that boy thought about what Jacob had to say, but I almost cried when I heard those words....I'm crying now, even as I'm typing them out.   I am so proud of the man he is becoming...the man God is shaping him into.  He gets it!  He had a better attitude than I did, that's for sure.  

This is one of the things I am so captured by in Jacob....he is utterly unconcerned with titles, recognition or earthly acknowledgement.  He would rather have the spiritual blessing & Christ-like character.  Glory to God!  I am so thankful that God is faithful to will & to work in my children's lives and accomplish His transforming work by His Holy Spirit.  

14 Years???

How in the world did my baby get to be 14 so quickly?  

Seriously, it is so heartbreaking to find that your children grow up in a flash!  

It's especially difficult when you absolutely LOVE everything about your kids & watching them discover and learn about themselves, life, & God.

Yes, Zachary Joseph turned 14 this week (on the 2nd, actually - he is my little groundhog).  As I was praying for him, this week, I was remembering some of the things that make him so dear to my heart.....As a baby, he was the most content of the three and LOVED to be snuggled up close and rocked - I think the Lord gave him that ability just for me.  Being my last one, God knew I would need a snuggler!......As a toddler, he so loved to be read to.  This fueled his imagination, I think.  He was always very imaginative and boy, did he love his superheroes!  From Bibleman to Batman & Robin - he knew just how to play the part of each one!....As a gradeschooler, he was quick to learn and SO SMART!  He still loved to play, though - and he could play with the silliest little thing and keep himself contentedly occupied for hours.  From paper clips to rocks to rubber bands or even a pinecone & a stick.  It always astounded me the kind of imaginative play he could create!....He was always the 'King of one-liners'  & still is to this day.  He regularly cracks us all up with his sharp, witty little quips about everything.....As a young adolescent, now, I see him narrowing his fields of interest a little bit.  He absolutely loves adventure!  I think he would be content to be a backpacker/mountain climber/kayaker, etc. for the duration of his life.  Sports is still a huge component, though - and he's got great natural talent when it comes to sports.  Hopefully he can find a career in between all that, somehow.  

I see him gaining such strides as a child of God - his faith is deep and well-rooted (ptl).  He's always been a deep thinker and often brings up questions or thoughts that I often need to take a second to think about.

So that, in a nutshell, is my precious little Zach-man.  I love him to pieces and pray that God will continue to grow him up strong in his faith, and he will seek the Lord all the days of his life. 

Issues of the Heart

What are you supposed to do when you feel you're not being heard?  

Whether someone else purely doesn't get how you really feel, or they simply choose not to "hear " what it is you have to say because they know they will have to change their behavior and do things they don't feel are part of their agenda.  

It's a lot harder when that person is someone close to you....someone who should be concerned about your feelings and desire to work with you.  

I've never been good at consistently sharing my feelings about things that bother me.  I don't know why....it could be because many times I am invalidated when I do share them...or....maybe it's because I want so much to please the people who are close to me so I don't feel compelled to 'upset their apple cart'.  

This is something I would like to change about myself....but am at a loss as to how to do it.

I love Micah 6:8 - "God has shown you what is good and what He requires of you...to do things that are just and right, to love mercy and walk humbly with Him".  Jesus did exactly that.  This is how we are to be in our daily lives.  If we follow this pattern, no matter how it's received by others, God will honor our faithfulness.  The key is to do it in a humble, godly manner.

This is my prayer today...that I can be faithful to the One who calls me - God looks at the heart, while we see merely what is on the outside.  I want to be one who has a pure heart before God.  This is where change begins!

 

Life Is Hard...sometimes!

This weekend was incredibly BUSY!  

Yes, Jacob & Emily had their Homecoming night & respective dates on Saturday.  I wasn't able to be at Jacob's dinner to get pictures of he & his date, but I did go and get photo's of my little girl and her date, Jacob Wolfe.  It was surreal, to say the least....do you ever have moments that hit you from out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel as though a huge lapse of time & change has abruptly occured and somehow you were blatantly left out of it all???  Well, that is the very thing I came face-to-face with as I focussed my camera on my sweet daughter Saturday night.  She looked beautiful, of course and I was dumbfounded over how grown-up she was. 

Sunday found me getting up at the crack of dawn....after going to bed at nearly 1am.  The second I stood up, I knew it was going to be a tough day, physically.  My back was in complete spasm for the better part of the day....so much so that throughout the first service @ church, I felt as though my body was uncontrollably convulsing, at times.  Add that to the fact that yesterday some dear friends had some very difficult news revealed about them.  It was a tough thing to watch and process.  It's always a challenge to your faith when decisions are made in a manner that is contrary to what you believe to be fair, and then things are handled in a way that doesn't appear to be completely forthright & truthful.  My spirit was very down-trodden yesterday, because of it.  This is one of those times in life when I am reminded that I live in an imperfect world.  Thankfully Jesus has already overcome the world, and in the end His justice will prevail here!