Thoughts on why I LOVE being a Mom

There have been many titles I have held over the course of my lifetime....daughter, first-born, sister, friend, grand-daughter, cousin, singer, actress, Girl Scout, student, 1st Runner-up in the Little Miss Tadpole competition, softball player (sort-of...if you count turning cartwheels in the outfield as "playing" softball), cheerleader, secretary, data-entry person, AP assistant, girlfriend, wife, sunday school teacher, bible study leader, prayer warrior.....and......, of course, MOM.  

Mom is such a small word, and yet it encompasses SO MANY titles/jobs within itself.  If you were list them all out, I doubt any woman would want the job, frankly.  But, there is nothing like hearing those words..."I love you, Mommy" - it makes your heart melt a thousand times over!

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  It was officially my 18th Mother's Day.  Honestly I can scarcely believe that fact, but it's true - I have been a mom for 18 years, now.  It has been the wildest ride of my life!  I mean that in a good way, of course.  It hasn't always been fun, or easy....but always very rewarding and I wouldn't trade a single second of any of it for ANYTHING ELSE this world has to offer me.  

For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a mom.  I was one of those little girls who had every doll that Mattel ever made.  The ones that cried, ate, slept, wet, talked, walked and did anything else they could get them to do.  I absolutely loved playing with my dolls and Barbies...it was role-playing at its very best!  I always knew that one day I would be a mom...of course, I thought I would first be a singer on TV with a show just like Sonny & Cher or Donny & Marie Osmond.......but, thankfully, God directs our steps.

  

Having 3 teenagers now, it can be a somewhat challenging job to have these days.  They each are striving for their own kind of independence, no longer feeling the need to be attached to my hip, my leg or in my arms.  I am thrilled to see them growing & maturing into such incredible young people.  My heart overflows with love & affection for Jacob, Emily & Zachary.  I don't think I could love them more, I am so crazy about them!  They are the 3 biggest blessings of my entire lifetime and I thank God for them every single day.  I wouldn't be who I am today without them.  They have taught me just as much as I have taught them....maybe more!  

It's my prayer that the next 18 years of motherhood, for me, will be just as wonderful as the first 18 have been.  No question it will be very different from these earlier years, but I know God has great things in store and His blessings are so much more than we can ever imagine - aren't they?  Praise Him!  He is always Faithful, forever loving & never failing!!!

A Life Lesson....on this Good Friday 2009

Today, Good Friday, is probably the most conflicted day of the year for Christians.  The conflict is complex.....Being the day that Jesus Christ gave up His very life to purchase our freedom from sin and an eternity of death.  Honestly, it is the best day in history for all of mankind.  The complexity of the conflict lies in the reality that Jesus, chose to lay aside His rights as King of Kings and Lord of Lords in order to walk that long road up to the cross and die an excruciating death for we, who had no hope and no possibility of saving ourselves.  He paid such a high price for us while we were steeped and entrenched in our own sin and completely caught up in ourselves.  It is heart-wrenching for us to comprehend that kind of sacrifice.  This is grace ....unmerited favor.... undeserved mercy ....unrestrained compassion ....unfathomable love.

I can't imagine that kind of sacrifice or having the kind of resolve and purpose to actually choose to lay down my life on behalf of a sinful, fallen world that doesn't even acknowledge their need for a savior in the first place.  

This week God has given me a new insight into Jesus sacrifice that has really impacted me in a very personal way.....I received word from the surgeon, this week, that I really should have back surgery on the two collapsed discs in my lower back.  The situation, for now, is not dire or a "life and death" kind of situation....but surgery is an option and is a much better alternative than living on muscle-relaxers & pain medications.  I was somewhat frustrated with the fact that the surgeon left the ball in my court, so to speak....seemed to me it would be SO much easier to do what I was told if he just simply said, "you need surgery and you need it NOW!"  But, how do I CHOOSE to have a surgery that will leave me down flat for 2-3 months, plus another couple of months before I'm completely back to normal???    That's a tough decision to make.  Especially when it will certainly consume 4-6 months of my life (and my family's).  

I found myself questioning the Lord on this whole thing...."Why does it have to be surgery?  Why now?  Why do I have to make the decision?  Why can't it be some easier way?"  I was getting pretty overwhelmed with all the thoughts reeling through my mind.  Next, I started to second-guess everything!  "Maybe I can just wait it out for a year or two....I mean, the drugs are getting me by, for now.   I was actually entertaining the idea of waiting around indefinitely before going through with the surgery.  

Well, I got a bit of a wake-up call when I dialoged with my regular doctor about managing my pain long-term with my current med's.  It would be hazardous to my health, at best.  So there I was again, back to that heart-wrenching decisio.  When to do the surgery????  There will ALWAYS be something to be sacrificed in choosing a date - a family vacation, "once-in-a-lifetime" school activities, Zachary's football games, Emily's school play performances, Jacob's Senior year, etc, etc, etc...  On and on my list went, and further and further my excuses pushed the idea of surgery  well-into the year of 2013.  Then yesterday, as I was vaccuming my house and my back was practically convulsing with spasms, I sensed the Lord urging me to reconsider and get a date set sooner rather than later.  So I sat down and took a serious look at our family calendar.  The best scenario I could come up with was a sugery date of late July/early August.  This would allow us to still have our family camping trips with our dearest friends and get us through the busier part of the summer.  So, I presented my proposal to Mark and he agreed that it seemed like the best idea.  

It is still a tough thing to cement in stone a plan that involves such a sacrifice of a large chunk of your life....and yet as I sit here, this morning, comtemplating all that Christ chose to give up for me - it wasn't just a mere few months of His life that He sacrificed.  He gave it ALL up!  Everything.  No hold backs.  No take-backs.  No compromises.  Here I am struggling to follow-through with something as menial as a surgery!  That is NOTHING compared to death on a cross.  How petty my prayers seem about such a trivial thing.......compared to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsamane, when He prayed and asked God to take the cup of death from Him - BUT, then followed that request immediately with..."yet not my will, but thine" .  How agonizing it must've been for Him to set out on that long and painful walk up to Calvary knowing He would give it all away - willingly.  He could've taked an easier route at any moment and yet He didn't.  Because He knew there was only ONE way to make the necessary atonement for us.     

Thank you Lord, for your incredible sacrifice....how can I be silent when faced with such mercy & love?  There is nothing sweeter than Your love and forgiveness!  Help me to be so committed to You and Your plan for my life, that I will be absolutely resolved to do what You ask me to do without hesitating or backing down. Knowing that You will walk me through every step of the road You call me to follow You on.

We are "more than CONQUERORS", through Jesus!

It has been a week of endless running around from events, to appointments, to practices, to games, to anything & everything!  I have found myself overwhelmed, at times, wondering why does life have to get SO BUSY???  When you have chronic pain to deal with, it makes everything seem more difficult to surmount.  

One thing I am learning through this difficult season of my life is......how to be more dependent on God and less apt to run ahead on my own strength .  Control has always been something I like to cling to in life's circumstances.  But, honestly - between having 3 teenagers & learning to live life in constant pain....I am learning first-hand how to rely on the grace of God like never before.  It sounds pretty lame & cliche  - even as I typed those words out, just now.  But, seriously I think I am now coming to a place of realizing the good that God has accomplished in me, already, through this season of chronic pain.  What has been debilitating, frustrating and incredibly humbling - has, in fact, created a need in my soul for a much greater dependence on my merciful God who longs to have me look to Him in the first place for all that I need to make it through the day.  

For most of my life, I have had a tendency to take the easiest ways out of difficult situations in order to escape them with the least amount of scars possible.  Even when God may have been calling me to persevere and allow His plan to be worked out in & through me.  Jesus never took the easy way out....He lived His life to be poured out & broken for us every single day.  He even took it to the highest level and gave up His very life....taking on MANY scars in order to pour Himself out completely & totally!  All to save us from ourselves.

This week, in my devotions I read something out of "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  It was all about the joy that comes from being, as Paul says "more than conquerors in Christ".....it reads:  

"The surf that distresses the ordinary swimmer produces in the surf-rider the super-joy of going clean through it.  Apply that to our own circumstances, these very things - tribulations, deistresses, persecution, produce in us the super-joy;  they are not things to FIGHT!  We are more than conquerors through Jesus in all these things, not in spite of them, but IN THE MIDST OF THEM!!! Christians never know the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but BECAUSE OF IT."

I love this picture of the surf-rider.  After going to Hawaii and watching the surfers out there getting slammed & tossed all over the place by the huge, daunting waves - I can't imagine being out there without the solid place to stand - Jesus, our "surf board" that is the ONLY thing that can take us clean through the fiercest wave that seems unsurmountable.  If we try to swim through it on our own....we'll inevitably be tossed into the rocks along the shore, or get swept out to sea and be totally overwhelmed by the ocean.  Yes, the joy is in the scariest part...which requires total dependence on the ONE who can get me safely to shore.  Hallelujah!  He is so GREAT....Praise Him!  He is worthy, He is awesome, HE IS MY LORD & MY GOD!

A Prayer for Mari

Yesterday was "Girl's Day" in Japan.  A national holiday that brings everyone's consolidated attention to praying for the health, happiness & character development of girls.  I did some research on the holiday so we could honor Mari, our exchange student.  I wanted her to feel special and have something to share about her culture, with us.  We get the privilege of sharing our culture with her every day....but this was a chance for her to enlighten us on something from Japan!  

I decided to take her out of school a little early and go to the Japanese Garden in downtown Portland.  They were having a special exhibit on display, of dolls, in honor of "Girls Day".   She was delighted to go!  We had a wonderful time there.  She explained to me that the exhibit was very impressive.  Usually all Japanese families have a small set of these special dolls to set out every year in honor of the holiday.  The ones they had on display were a large collection in a very elaborate setting.  She was thrilled to see them!   After we took some pictures of the display, we wandered through the garden a little - enjoying the sunny afternoon the Lord gave us for exploring.  I began to feel an incredible burden for this sweet girl, I barely knew, from Japan.  She comes from a culture of polytheists (people who believe in and pray to many gods).  How in the world is she going to find Christ in the small amount of time that she is here, in America?  The language barrier alone is a tough hurdle to overcome...let alone the fact that she has 16 years of polytheism to combat with.   

And then the Lord whispered this to me...."don't you know I have a plan?  I always do.  I AM the One who will bring her around when the time, MY TIME, is right.  I AM the One who brought the Israelites out of impossible circumstances into freedom....I AM the One who delivered My people time & time again over the course of history....I AM the One who sent My Son into the world to make the ultimate sacrifice and secure redemption for all....I AM the One who rescued you.....I AM working everything out in My  master plan, so you can rest in the promise that I AM doing this just as I always have.  You need to pray for her and do everything you can to point her to who I AM." 

I responded in my heart with, "That's it, Lord!  She needs to know You.....the one true God.......I AM!!!  You can rescue her out of the grip of polytheism - ONLY You can!  Oh, please do it Lord!  Do it soon!  I want freedom for Mari.  I want her to know the incredible mercy and grace that are hers for the taking.  Give me and my family the words, the deeds, the presence of mind to seize every opportunity.  Let us be Your instruments to tune her heartstrings into You.  Use us, Lord!"

It is incredible to me to ponder the idea that I have a relationship with the God of the universe...and He cares about me and Mari.  Words cannot express how 'at- peace' I was as we drove home from our fun outing together.  But, I definitely have a new burden in my heart for Mari.  I want to be confident that we do everything we can while we have her with us to point her to the Savior of the world.  She may not make a decision for Christ while she is with us, but at least we will plant as many seeds as God provides opportunities for.  We will trust Him to do the rest!

A Different Kind of LOVE

 "Love is PATIENT and KIND.  Love is NOT JEALOUS...NOT BOASTFUL...NOT PROUD...and NOT RUDE.  Love DOES NOT DEMAND ITS OWN WAY.  Love is NOT IRRITABLE, and it KEEPS NO RECORD OF BEING WRONGED.  Love DOES NOT REJOICE ABOUT INJUSTICE but REJOICES WHENEVER THE TRUTH WINS OUT!  Love NEVER GIVES UP, NEVER LOSES FAITH, is ALWAYS HOPEFUL, and ENDURES THROUGH EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE.....LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER!!!"     - I Corinthians 13:4-8  (NLT, paraphrased)

We've been studying the I Cor. 13 passage on love in our sermon series for the last few weeks, at church.  I have to say it has been really great to review the attributes of what love really IS....and what love IS NOT.

One thing I find very challenging in this study on love is the fact that  "love is patient" means that real love has the ability to be wronged or hurt, but not retaliate.  

This concept goes way beyond my natural human default.  It is far easier to lash out vindictively, especially when someone else has clearly done something out of line, or even sinful to me.  And yet God's Word is clearly saying that the kind of love that comes from His Holy Spirit is a love that bears the brunt of being wounded - patiently, without needing to repay the person who hurt me with something hurtful.  This is a really tough concept for my brain to wrap itself around.  I think that being victimized as a small child created a voracious need, in me, for retaliation.  No question that what happened was clearly an injustice.  But it created an emotional and mental disconnect that has caused me to quench the working of the Holy Spirit in me when hurtful things occur at the hand of others.  For me, the need for retaliation can often supersede the need for displaying Christ-like love.  But the two are VERY DIFFERENT.  Retaliation is my natural default in my human nature....but it doesn't automatically bring the restoration I need.  It may feel good for a while - but it does not heal me or the relationship involved.  It is very likely that the need for retaliation can become the default in situations where being lovingly patient is the Spirit-filled way to be.  

It is always easy to justify my cause when it involves obvious wrong-doing to me by someone else.  However, Jesus gave me the perfect example of how to be lovingly patient in this exact situation:  

I Peter 2:23    "He (Jesus) did not retaliate when He was insulted, nor threaten revenge when He suffered.  He left Himself in the hands of God, who always judges fairly."  

Jesus suffered far more than I ever have at the hands of others.  If He, who is perfect, can endure suffering at the hands of imperfect people - then I, who am imperfect, must endeavor to do the same. 

This is not the kind of love that comes easily, that's for sure.  But, if it were easy - it would not require me to rely on the Holy Spirit to make it a reality.  Love that can be given from my own strength will inevitably falter in the face of difficulty and trial.  Love that is extended from a Spirit-filled heart that entrusts itself to God, regardless of the circumstances - that is REAL, CHRIST-LIKE LOVE.

I am so grateful that my Savior extended this kind of love to me when He gave His life up to save me....when I didn't deserve it.  I have a lot to learn about what it means to love like Jesus did.  But, thankfully He is faithful to bear with me as I slowly make progress on my journey with Him.

Ponderings from a mom's heart...

There are moments in life that catch me by surprise sometimes.  Especially the ones that cause you to sit and ponder how fast life really does go.  This weekend it occured to me how much I miss having all 5 of us together, engaging one another in conversation and just plain enjoying each other.  We had a rare occasion where we all happened to be in the TV room watching some silly thing on TV...and it caused me to pause and really soak up the moment.  With three VERY busy teens in our home (plus an exchange student) it can be weeks between times that we all actually get to sit and enjoy anything with all 5 of us present and accounted for.  It is interesting how life ebbs & flows in and out of various stages along the way-----------it really wasn't all that long ago that I recall the, almost insurmountable, task of "feeding, bathing, dressing & putting into bed" three small children.  Not to mention the exhaustion (physically, mentally & emotionally) that Mark and I would be left with after all the drinks of water, trips to go potty and extra bedtime kisses & hugs that were required in every nightly ritual.   That stage gave way into the very structured segment of life that came with gradeschool.  A time when things would go pretty smoothly, sort-of like a well-oiled machine.  Lots of family time and lots of fun!  -----------And here we are,  well-into the teen years and I find myself longing for those days when things were more simple and predictable.   I SO miss being asked that familiar request of, "Mommy, can you lay down with me and talk to me until I fall asleep?", or, "Mom, come play Lego's with me!".  It can be tough on a mom's tender heart to watch her children grow up and pull away little by little.  It is how it's supposed to go, though - much to my heart's dismay.  They must grow up and become more independent.   It's exciting to watch them move on to bigger goals in life and have successes and even some defeats here and there, as they establish their own identities in the "grown-up" world.  But, how I relish those times when they long to spend some time together and just be kids.  I am so grateful to have them at all...they are truly a blessing from above!  I can't imagine life without them.  God uses them to teach me so much in life.  Sometimes I wonder who's doing more learning....me - or them?  Thankfully we are learning and growing together as God uses us to encourage and sharpen one another in the process.  This morning, I am praising God for my family.  God is good!

Real JOY!

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign LORD is my strength...."    Habakkuk 3:18-19

This morning found me searching for scriptures on joy.  Mostly because I found myself feeling unhappy.  Circumstances that come out of an imperfect world can often drag me down and cause my spirit to feel faint.  One thing I found in my search for joy, is that real joy doesn't have anything to do with my circumstances (happiness is circumstantial)!  

The actual definition of joy is:  the emotion evoked by the prospect of possessing what you desire.

Joy is a by-product of my anticipation and hope!  My hope is in the LORD....therefore I do have joy!

Maintaining hope can be tough.  Especially when I am faced with the harsh realities of the tragically fallen world that I live in.  Daily, it seems, my children come home with a  plate-full of heavy burdens that come from simply "being in the world", and I myself bear witness to countless things in this world that break my heart.  It's times like these that I wish I had the perfect solution to "fix" the many problems we face.  But, it is by design that I do not have all the answers.  I do know the One who does.  His name is "El Roi" - He is the God who sees me  - and He sees all things, everywhere.  He is my hope......my only hope. 

Habakkuk wrestled with lots of questions in his day.  Questions of why heartbreaking things would go on and on around him in his society.  Evil and perverse ways seemed to flourish and overcome the good.....sounds a lot like the world I live in.

Daily I am faced with evidence that this world, without a doubt, needs the transformation of heart that only Jesus Christ can give.  I am an ambassador of my Savior - left here in this troubled world for the purpose of pointing the lost to my glorious, mighty God.  To give them hope.  A real and lasting kind of hope.  I will look to Jesus because, in Him, I will never be shaken....for He fills me with JOY in His presence!